Home Life – Page 4 – Ready Set Sarah

Songs that Speak to me

Published on April 24, 2014April 27, 2014 by Sarah LubetskyLeave a comment

“After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music.” – Aldous Huxley

Before
During my pregnancy music spoke to me in a way that felt different, deeper than it had before. Maybe it was the hormones, maybe it was the feelings of excitement needing a way to release. Whatever the reason, I found myself notably calmed and centered by certain songs. I listened more closely, and more often than I have in years.

There was one song in particular that had it’s moment in my life during the last few weeks. The slow roll of the music, and the lyrics remind me of home (in the San Francisco Bay Area), wonder, and adventures of the soul. Van Morrison’s Into the Mystic:

“We were born before the wind
Also younger than the sun”

and

“Smell the sea and feel the sky
Let your soul and spirit fly into the mystic”
– Van Morrison

After
The last few days I’ve found myself looking for music to fit with where I am now, after our loss. The other night I found the song that feels most true to what I’m feeling now that we are in the process of moving forward with our lives. Lives that are still good, and full of wonderful things, just missing a small piece of what we had thought it would be. I already had it in my iTunes, but when I heard it tonight, it felt right. A Life that’s Good, featuring Lennon and Maisy. With lines like these, it speaks to what I’m feeling.

“Sitting here tonight, by the fire light
It reminds me I already have more than I should.”

and

“Sometimes I’m hard on me, when dreams don’t come easy
I wanna look back and say I did all that I could.
At the end of the day, Lord I pray
I have a life that’s good.”

Apparently posting lyrics on a blog or forum is illegal (according to the inter-webs), so if you are interested here are the lyrics to Into the Mystic and A Life That’s Good.

Counting Silver Linings: Dealing with Grief and Loss

Published on April 24, 2014April 27, 2014 by Sarah Lubetsky5 Comments

Obviously, Brian and I would prefer the alternative. We would much rather be happily awaiting our baby-to-be, rather than trying to find the silver linings in this awful situation. Never the less, I have found it really helpful today to focus on all of the small positives that remain as a result of losing the baby. They are a sorry alternative, but I’d rather focus on gratitude for the good stuff, rather than linger on the loss and all of the “why’s” and the anger, sadness, and pain.

So, this is what we are left with. My list of silver linings:

I am grateful to have more time to settle into my new job. I was pretty nervous about having to take maternity leave during my first year with a new company, even though I am pretty sure my new employer would have handled it fairly.
I am grateful that I will have more time to get our finances in order before attempting to bankroll childcare. With only 28 weeks to go, the cost of going back to work was really starting to give me heartburn. We would have made it though.
I am grateful that I will have a chance to get my body healthy again before becoming pregnant again. It was a tough winter on my waistline and it can’t hurt to get a little more fit and active before the next go round.

Right now, this is pretty much all I can think of. It hurts a bit to think of anything good… It is strange to process mentally and emotionally that we aren’t actually pregnant anymore.

In the first trimester so much of the experience is mental and emotional. Despite the blatant side effects and symptoms, a lot of what grows in those first 12 weeks are your hopes, dreams, and expectations. The baby books and apps all recommend taking time each day to develop a connection, a bond with the growing baby… than, immediately when it’s over everyone starts telling you not get too attached, and that it wasn’t really a baby yet (or at all if it terminated because something was wrong genetically). Like it’s that simple.

It’s not that easy to make the cognitive leap to believing whole heartedly that a little human is actually living inside of you and will someday be a person you know, talk to, and love… it’s even harder to reverse that.

Pregnancy: Weeks 6-7

Published on April 23, 2014May 3, 2014 by Sarah Lubetsky3 Comments

Symptoms:

Metal cottonmouth (look it up, it’s a thing)
Waves of nausea
Feel super bloated
Tired and want my bed, husband, and puppy.
Waking up daily between 5am and 7am overheating, thirsty and nauseous

Chicken sounds gross, even though it was once a favorite, lettuce is hit or miss. Hard candies are a godsend (Organic Preggie Pop Drops) and sprite is my new friend.

Occasionally have to just stop what I’m doing and lay down. Even if it’s on the floor in my office for 3 minutes.

Food cravings: By end of the week nothing sounds better than an American cheese omelette, crunchy peanut butter on toast, or mint chip ice cream. Ps-I normally don’t eat American cheese or ice cream. I fought the mint chocolate chip craving feeling like it was too cliché… But by Saturday I gave in and had a little.

After experiencing a little spotting I freaked myself out and called the doctor. They sent me to get a blood pregnancy test and to test my hormone levels. After a day and a half of fear and unease, I got the results and everything looked as it should :-). We are definitely still pregnant.*

Our first ultrasound was scheduled for 7am Sunday Morning (they could have told me 3am, I’d have been there), and our OB intake appointment was set for Monday March 17th at 8am. We had to have the gestational diabetes screening at it’s first appointment because of my weight/height ratio, luckily it came back in an okay range. Because of the history if gestational diabetes among women in my family, that was a huge relief.

Everything turned out well with the test results, only my Vitamin D was low so I have been prescribed a supplement to take weekly along with my prenatal vitamins. It was nerve wracking having the early ultrasound, but it was incredible seeing the little bean in there with it’s yolk sac. I can’t believe that it is our baby.**

They say babies come in their own time. You can make plans, but they come when they are ready. Who would have guessed we’d get two pink positive lines in the same week that I got offered new job? Of course that’s how life is, you should know that by now! And so, we start this week 7 meeting future baby Lubetsky for the first time, and end it by saying good bye to a job I’ve called home for the last few years.

Sometimes change comes in indiscriminate increments, sometimes in seismic events.

*When we had the spotting I read that a percentage of women who experience spotting still go on to have healthy pregnancies… while I’m sure many do, I think this was our first hint that things might not end well…

**Looking back now, this was the only time we ever got to see it. Even that small I felt immediate love for it. It may have never come to grow into a “real” baby… but in that moment it was ours, and we loved it deeply. We weren’t given pictures from this ultrasound, but I will never forget seeing it floating there inside me. My heart is broken.

Miscarriage: This past weekend Brian and I were excited, eager, expectant parents. As we approached 12 weeks, the end of the first trimester “risky window” we decided to begin sharing our happy news with a wider network of family and friends. It was perfect timing because we were at home in California visiting my family and some of his cousins for the week. Saturday evening, April 19th we experienced a miscarriage. It was an incredibly difficult experience (obviously) for many reasons which I want to share at some point down the road. I had begun to suspect something was going wrong earlier in the week, but we moved forward with things hoping it was all just part of the pregnancy journey.

Since I had begun writing about the pregnancy from the moment we found out, I decided it is important to still share our experience. I don’t want this to be a secret. I want to honor the experience and share it. It happened, it was real, and it hurts to know it is now over. This little spirit has moved on, but I will carry it forever in my heart.

Pregnancy- Weeks 0-5

Published on April 23, 2014May 3, 2014 by Sarah Lubetsky1 Comment

This past weekend Brian and I were excited, eager, expectant parents. As we approached 12 weeks, the end of the first trimester “risky window” we decided to begin sharing our happy news with a wider network of family and friends. It was perfect timing because we were at home in California visiting my family and some of his cousins for the week. Saturday evening, April 19th we experienced a miscarriage. It was an incredibly difficult experience (obviously) for many reasons which I want to share at some point down the road. I had begun to suspect something was going wrong earlier in the week, but we moved forward with things hoping it was all just part of the pregnancy journey.

Weeks 0-5

Positive test: Feb 26, 2014

Symptoms:

Stretching in lower abs (sharp pain across sides of lower abs- I looked it up and it is round ligament stretching).
Having to go pee often, and it seems to creep up out of nowhere!
Craving beef. I usually prefer chicken breast (and only chicken breast).
I’m winded easily (I didn’t think I was THAT out of shape).
Burping a lot.
Headaches.
Hot flashes (hot burning face).
Acne cleared rather than appeared at period time.
Weird new dry skin patches. I thought it was my psoriasis acting up, but it turns out eczema is a somewhat common pregnancy symptom. I got a big patch on my chest, and smaller ones on my shoulder and the small of my back.
Fatigue. I mean, sleeping on the floor behind my desk, practically feel drugged after lunch, fatigue.

How we found out:

I took the test right after getting off the phone with my cousin (more like a big brother) Jonathan. He kept asking “what else is going on?” “Any big news?” I wanted to tell him “I think I might be expecting!” But of course, I didn’t. I couldn’t stand to wait any more once we hung up the phone. I had to take a test to know for sure (and so there would be any chance of concentrating the next day at work). We had been trying for a few months, and I was counting the days until my period was officially late. The day had finally arrived.

Brian and I had decided I would test that night to put an end to my excited nervous guessing (I could barely get a thing done at work that day). Through tracking my period with an iPhone app, I learned that my cycle is usually 32 days (meaning that when my period appears to be four days late, it actually right on time). That’s something new I hadn’t realized before we started trying to conceive. Because if my longish cycle I wanted to delay testing until I was at least a little later than usual, even though I had a few hints what might be going on. I always felt a little foolish testing and getting a negative, like maybe I had convinced myself of something that wasn’t really there…

I have had plenty of “false” symptoms in previous months while trying, but this month I had a dream the week after ovulation. In the dream I was two months pregnant and I could feel my belly, big under my hands. I kept running my hands down my stomach, feeling the roundness under my shirt. I don’t remember the details of what else was going on in the dream, but over the course I became more and more pregnant. I’ve never had such a physically vivid sensation of being pregnant in a dream before.* Looking back now, in the dream I was in an elevator at some point around month 2-4 and the somehow it started spinning around, and knocking me around. I was upset in the dream and kept yelling, “But I’m pregnant! Stop!” I didn’t think much about it at the time, but now looking back after the loss, it gives me the chills.

The only other month that I had a pregnancy dream I had taken a test in the dream and showed it to Brian, telling him I was pregnant. I had 2 or 3 of those dreams that week… but then got my period that Saturday. It was not a false alarm though! That Sunday my sister called out of the blue to announce her pregnancy! Now, if all goes well, we’re going to have our babies 5-6 months apart! Crazy how things happen. We actually found out on the same day that one of our groomsmen’s wives had his baby!

When I took the test Brian was in the other room on the phone with his parents. I snuck away to the bathroom and nervously took the test. Unlike previous tests, I wasn’t left waiting long. As the liquid crept up the test window immediately a faint second pink line began to appear. I was in awe! “Is this real life? Is it all starting now?”

I stuck the test stick back into the box and hid it behind my back. I signaled to Brian asking him to hang up the phone, and when he did I told him I had a present for him. He knew right away, I could tell by the look on his face, and when I handed him the box and he took out the test we both laughed, and cried and hugged and practically jumped up and down.

Now we are ready to make plans, learn as much as possible, make appointments, and do our very best to keep the happiest secret I’ve ever held.

Our due date (screenshot from birthcenter.com)

The Unbearable Weight of Nothing

Published on April 22, 2014May 18, 2014 by Sarah Lubetsky11 Comments

11 weeks and 6 days
cramping
spotting
aching
bleeding
loss

I carried you, like a promise.
I felt you depart.
A sudden awareness of absence.
The wanting and the wishing, all that remains.
A reluctant member of the semi-secret sisterhood of loss.
Your father, like a rock, an anchor to sanity and strength.
Your family all around you.
Barely here, but already gone.

To read the full story of our miscarriage, start here.

Happy Thanksgivukkah!

Published on November 28, 2013November 28, 2013 by Sarah LubetskyLeave a comment

Today is a day for being thankful. I love celebrating Thanksgiving, and combining it with all of the traditions of Hanukkah only makes the pot that much sweeter. I had planned make sweet potato latkes this year, taking advantage of the combined traditions, but instead I opted to take it easy and enjoy some good puppy lovin’. Brian’s cousins are staying with us from Chicago and they brought their furry little dogger Zola. I’m in puppy heaven.

I am so grateful for puppies. Here are a few other things I am ever so grateful for:

The extended family that I inherited when I married Brian. With my family spread far and wide (but mostly in California and New Jersey), it’s nice to have a new extended network of family to enjoy the holidays with.
The Detroit Lions taking home a win today! It’s a Hanukkah miracle! They haven’t won on Thanksgiving in a decade.
Facetime. Now that my family all have it, I love getting some facetime in with them. Especially when we are this far apart on the holidays.
Having what we need today and everyday. I know that isn’t true for many people, and I am incredibly grateful for what we have.

Lastly, today and everyday I am grateful to have so many wonderful people and puppies in my life to love.

Happy Thanksgivukkah from me to you!

XOXO,

Sarah

PS- One more of Zola for the road

Breakfast Egg “Muffins”

Published on September 24, 2013October 6, 2013 by Sarah LubetskyLeave a comment

Another delicious grab and go breakfast experiment!

We’ve been eating Banana Oat breakfast muffins in different variations for a few weeks so I decided to try another high protein option for those rushed weekday mornings. I’ve seen a few different “egg muffins” on Pinterest and I thought it might be fun to give them a try. Most of the Pinterest versions include a lot of dairy (cheese, milk, etc) and pig products (ham muffin liners, bacon bits, etc), but since Brian and I are cutting back on dairy and I don’t eat any pork products I made up my own version.

Here’s what I put in (makes twelve muffins):

6 whole eggs
6 egg whites
1/3 cup brown rice flour or other flour
1/3 cup unsweetened almond milk (My favorite is Trader Joe’s Vanilla Unsweetened in the refrigerator section)
1 chicken apple sausage (Trader Joe’s)
1/2 large green jalapeño pepper
1/2 tomato
1/2 zucchini squash
1/4 cup chopped chives
1 package Applegate herb roasted turkey slices (there are less than twelve so I cut them up to line all of the cups)
Coconut oil pan spray (Trader Joe’s)

1) Chop up the veggies and sausage into small pieces and mix together.

2) In a separate bowl use six whole eggs and with the other 6 separate out the egg white and yolk and use only the egg white. Add the almond milk and rice flour and whisk until mixed thoroughly.

3) Sprayed the muffin tin with coconut oil pan spray and lay about a half a slice of turkey into the tin as a liner.

4) Fill the cups of the muffin tin with a scoop of the veggie/sausage mix each. I filled them up pretty high since the egg mix filled in around it all. Pour the eggs, almond milk and rice flour mix over it.

5) I baked these for about 25 minutes at 350 (checking back until the center of the cups were solid and not liquidy).

6) Let them cool and enjoy!

I didn’t freeze any because I wasn’t sure how well they would thaw… a friend told me they thaw better with dairy in them. It didn’t matter though because between Brian and I we went through them in one work week. We’d pop them in the microwave for about 40 seconds in the morning. Super fast, satisfying and easy.

I put the ingredients into the My Fitness Pal recipe builder on the app and this is the nutritional information it gave me for this recipe. This is for a serving of one Muffin. Not a bad breakfast!

Nutritional info for 1 egg muffin (From MyFitnessPal)

Muffins, Mimosas & Football

Published on September 8, 2013 by Sarah Lubetsky1 Comment

Weekends, the best of days.

What more are Sundays for than long walks with your pup, baking, and watching football? It may be early fall (or technically late summer) but we are settling in to Michigan’s finest season in style. Yesterday my alma mater #BeatND while we watched from my sister-in-laws birthday dinner celebration. Today, we are watching our Detroit Lions in style while enjoying delicious healthy muffins and even more delicious Mimosas. Ah weekends, I love you so.

Cockapoo Brinkley Says GO BLUE! (image by Ready Set Sarah)

Before the game today we took Brinkley for a long walk around the neighborhood. We had planned on putting her in her Lions jersey, but discovered that she is nearly twice the size she was last football season and will definitely need a new Jersey this year. I mean, a girl needs a jersey if she is going to watch football with her daddy, right?

DetroitLions_ReadySetSarah — Baby Brinkley in her Lions Jersey

Sunday’s are usually my meal prep day for the week (when I’m being good). So I spent the beginning of todays game making Banana Oatmeal Breakfast muffins that I discovered on Pinterest (here). I’ve made them once before and they taste and smell amazing! Full disclosure they stick to the muffin liners but are delicious enough that I don’t really mind. I used Trader Joe’s Gluten Free rolled oats and I added pecan pieces and some cocoa powder to personalize the recipe. They are serious yum.

Banana Oatmeal Muffins (Image by Ready Set Sarah)

To top off this relaxing afternoon, Brian suggested we pop open some wedding celebratory Champaign and make Mimosas. I’m telling you, these muffins pair very well with orange juice and Champaign. Happy Sunday and Happy Football day!

XOXO,

Sarah

Creating vs. Consuming

Published on August 20, 2013May 3, 2014 by Sarah Lubetsky1 Comment

I’m a hardcore consumer. I peruse the Internet with a vigorous appetite for information and stimulating imagery. I meander through grocery market aisles full of fresh, healthy and delicious looking items ripe for my picking. Like most people I know, a trip to target often turns into a full on shopping spree before I can even get a handle on what’s happening. My closet is busting at the seams with cheaply made “disposable” fashion and only a few long term items I’ve collected over the years…

With all of this consuming, I have started to wonder what I really have to offer. I’m not into doomsday prepping or anything… But I have begun to wonder what I would do if everything were different and I couldn’t rely on consumerism to satisfy my needs. I have friends who bake from scratch, can foods, sew, and build things. I see these skills and I think, “I can manage social media outreach and write health messages!” Womp womp.

Not saying my skills aren’t awesome. It’s just that most of my skills are Internet based or somewhat intangible. I want to be able to create real lasting durable or consumable things. I want to know that I can produce as much as I consume. I don’t want to feel so helplessly reliant on the creations of other people and consumer culture. I especially don’t want to feel so tied to my income. So reliant on having enough money to purchase everything I need. I want freedom to fend for myself just a little bit more.

So what to do?

Rather than long for things I haven’t learned or can’t do, I’m going to start teaching myself.

I wonder should I start with hand sewing or jump right in with machine sewing classes? Any suggestions?

In the meantime, can I get an Amen for Pinterest and being able to find how-to guides and awesome recipes all day and night!?!

Xoxo,
Sarah

Nesting Ikea Style

Published on August 5, 2013November 15, 2013 by Sarah LubetskyLeave a comment

This weekend we decided we could wait no longer to start making this house (er, condo) a home. Like all cool kids do, we spent our Saturday getting crazy and the Canton Ikea.

Brian was über excited to have a task at hand and went to assembling our new furniture with a fervor I haven’t seen before… And 6 hours later, voila! We have a new tv stand and cabinate for our pretty new things!

Our fur baby couldn’t help but offer a paw-

Getting ready to assemble! Ugly old couch in the background has got to go.

Brian and Brinkley working hard. Excuse the fuzzy photo!

One done. Brinks is taking a little break.

We went with the Hemnes Living rooms series. This is the 2 drawer version of the tv stand. The cabinet options were many and we took forever choosing this beauty with a big space at the bottom for hiding kitchen equipment until we have a bigger kitchen.

#2 all done and filled with our special things! I don’t know why my phone is taking such grainy pics…

All done!! We still need to arrange things and get the matching bookshelf but it's out of stock :-( — All done!! We still need to arrange things and get the matching bookshelf but it’s out of stock 😦

I love the white wood and I can’t wait to switch out our dingy old miss matched pieces for more pretty bright new ones! The bookshelf unit we will be getting is out of stock because of supplier issues, but hopefully we’ll be able to pick this beauty up soon!

Only the rest of everything to go before this place is looking in tip top shape! We’ll start with cleaning up after Hurricane Wedding.

Love,

Sarah

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Weeks 0-5

Share this:

To read the full story of our miscarriage, start here.

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this: