Tag: pregnancy

Pregnancy: Weeks 6-7

Published on by Sarah Lubetsky3 Comments

Symptoms:

  • Metal cottonmouth (look it up, it’s a thing)
  • Waves of nausea
  • Feel super bloated
  • Tired and want my bed, husband, and puppy.
  • Waking up daily between 5am and 7am overheating, thirsty and nauseous

Chicken sounds gross, even though it was once a favorite, lettuce is hit or miss. Hard candies are a godsend (Organic Preggie Pop Drops) and sprite is my new friend.

Occasionally have to just stop what I’m doing and lay down. Even if it’s on the floor in my office for 3 minutes.

Food cravings: By end of the week nothing sounds better than an American cheese omelette, crunchy peanut butter on toast, or mint chip ice cream. Ps-I normally don’t eat American cheese or ice cream. I fought the mint chocolate chip craving feeling like it was too cliché… But by Saturday I gave in and had a little.

After experiencing a little spotting I freaked myself out and called the doctor. They sent me to get a blood pregnancy test and to test my hormone levels. After a day and a half of fear and unease, I got the results and everything looked as it should :-). We are definitely still pregnant.*

Our first ultrasound was scheduled for 7am Sunday Morning (they could have told me 3am, I’d have been there), and our OB intake appointment was set for Monday March 17th at 8am. We had to have the gestational diabetes screening at it’s first appointment because of my weight/height ratio, luckily it came back in an okay range. Because of the history if gestational diabetes among women in my family, that was a huge relief.

Everything turned out well with the test results, only my Vitamin D was low so I have been prescribed a supplement to take weekly along with my prenatal vitamins. It was nerve wracking having the early ultrasound, but it was incredible seeing the little bean in there with it’s yolk sac. I can’t believe that it is our baby.**

They say babies come in their own time. You can make plans, but they come when they are ready. Who would have guessed we’d get two pink positive lines in the same week that I got offered new job? Of course that’s how life is, you should know that by now! And so, we start this week 7 meeting future baby Lubetsky for the first time, and end it by saying good bye to a job I’ve called home for the last few years.

Sometimes change comes in indiscriminate increments, sometimes in seismic events.

*When we had the spotting I read that a percentage of women who experience spotting still go on to have healthy pregnancies… while I’m sure many do, I think this was our first hint that things might not end well…

**Looking back now, this was the only time we ever got to see it. Even that small I felt immediate love for it. It may have never come to grow into a “real” baby… but in that moment it was ours, and we loved it deeply. We weren’t given pictures from this ultrasound, but I will never forget seeing it floating there inside me. My heart is broken. 

Miscarriage: This past weekend Brian and I were excited, eager, expectant parents. As we approached 12 weeks, the end of the first trimester “risky window” we decided to begin sharing our happy news with a wider network of family and friends. It was perfect timing because we were at home in California visiting my family and some of his cousins for the week. Saturday evening, April 19th we experienced a miscarriage. It was an incredibly difficult experience (obviously) for many reasons which I want to share at some point down the road. I had begun to suspect something was going wrong earlier in the week, but we moved forward with things hoping it was all just part of the pregnancy journey.

Since I had begun writing about the pregnancy from the moment we found out, I decided it is important to still share our experience. I don’t want this to be a secret. I want to honor the experience and share it. It happened, it was real, and it hurts to know it is now over. This little spirit has moved on, but I will carry it forever in my heart.

Pregnancy- Weeks 0-5

Published on by Sarah Lubetsky1 Comment

This past weekend Brian and I were excited, eager, expectant parents. As we approached 12 weeks, the end of the first trimester “risky window” we decided to begin sharing our happy news with a wider network of family and friends. It was perfect timing because we were at home in California visiting my family and some of his cousins for the week. Saturday evening, April 19th we experienced a miscarriage. It was an incredibly difficult experience (obviously) for many reasons which I want to share at some point down the road. I had begun to suspect something was going wrong earlier in the week, but we moved forward with things hoping it was all just part of the pregnancy journey.

Since I had begun writing about the pregnancy from the moment we found out, I decided it is important to still share our experience. I don’t want this to be a secret. I want to honor the experience and share it. It happened, it was real, and it hurts to know it is now over. This little spirit has moved on, but I will carry it forever in my heart.

PregnancyWeek0-5_ReadySetSarahBlog

Weeks 0-5

Positive test: Feb 26, 2014

Symptoms:
  • Stretching in lower abs (sharp pain across sides of lower abs- I looked it up and it is round ligament stretching).
  • Having to go pee often, and it seems to creep up out of nowhere!
  • Craving beef. I usually prefer chicken breast (and only chicken breast).
  • I’m winded easily (I didn’t think I was THAT out of shape).
  • Burping a lot.
  • Headaches.
  • Hot flashes (hot burning face).
  • Acne cleared rather than appeared at period time.
  • Weird new dry skin patches. I thought it was my psoriasis acting up, but it turns out eczema is a somewhat common pregnancy symptom. I got a big patch on my chest, and smaller ones on my shoulder and the small of my back.
  • Fatigue. I mean, sleeping on the floor behind my desk, practically feel drugged after lunch, fatigue.

How we found out:
I took the test right after getting off the phone with my cousin (more like a big brother) Jonathan. He kept asking “what else is going on?” “Any big news?” I wanted to tell him “I think I might be expecting!” But of course, I didn’t. I couldn’t stand to wait any more once we hung up the phone. I had to take a test to know for sure (and so there would be any chance of concentrating the next day at work). We had been trying for a few months, and I was counting the days until my period was officially late. The day had finally arrived.

Brian and I had decided I would test that night to put an end to my excited nervous guessing (I could barely get a thing done at work that day). Through tracking my period with an iPhone app, I learned that my cycle is usually 32 days  (meaning that when my period appears to be four days late, it actually right on time). That’s something new I hadn’t realized before we started trying to conceive. Because if my longish cycle I wanted to delay testing until I was at least a little later than usual, even though I had a few hints what might be going on. I always felt a little foolish testing and getting a negative, like maybe I had convinced myself of something that wasn’t really there…

I have had plenty of “false” symptoms in previous months while trying, but this month I had a dream the week after ovulation. In the dream I was two months pregnant and I could feel my belly, big under my hands. I kept running my hands down my stomach, feeling the roundness under my shirt. I don’t remember the details of what else was going on in the dream, but over the course I became more and more pregnant. I’ve never had such a physically vivid sensation of being pregnant in a dream before.* Looking back now, in the dream I was in an elevator at some point around month 2-4 and the somehow it started spinning around, and knocking me around. I was upset in the dream and kept yelling, “But I’m pregnant! Stop!” I didn’t think much about it at the time, but now looking back after the loss, it gives me the chills.

The only other month that I had a pregnancy dream I had taken a test in the dream and showed it to Brian, telling him I was pregnant. I had 2 or 3 of those dreams that week… but then got my period that Saturday. It was not a false alarm though! That Sunday my sister called out of the blue to announce her pregnancy! Now, if all goes well, we’re going to have our babies 5-6 months apart! Crazy how things happen. We actually found out on the same day that one of our groomsmen’s wives had his baby!

When I took the test Brian was in the other room on the phone with his parents. I snuck away to the bathroom and nervously took the test. Unlike previous tests, I wasn’t left waiting long. As the liquid crept up the test window immediately a faint second pink line began to appear. I was in awe! “Is this real life? Is it all starting now?”

I stuck the test stick back into the box and hid it behind my back. I signaled to Brian asking him to hang up the phone, and when he did I told him I had a present for him. He knew right away, I could tell by the look on his face, and when I handed him the box and he took out the test we both laughed, and cried and hugged and practically jumped up and down.

Now we are ready to make plans, learn as much as possible, make appointments, and do our very best to keep the happiest secret I’ve ever held.
Our due date (screenshot from birthcenter.com)
Our due date (screenshot from birthcenter.com)

 

The Unbearable Weight of Nothing

Published on by Sarah Lubetsky11 Comments

UnbearableWeight_ReadySetSarahBlog

11 weeks and 6 days
cramping
spotting
aching
bleeding
loss

I carried you, like a promise.
I felt you depart.
A sudden awareness of absence.
The wanting and the wishing, all that remains.
A reluctant member of the semi-secret sisterhood of loss.
Your father, like a rock, an anchor to sanity and strength.
Your family all around you.
Barely here, but already gone.

 

SeaBreezePark_ReadySetSarahBlog

To read the full story of our miscarriage, start here.